How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
