this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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