i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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