i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
