Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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