at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
