She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
