Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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