dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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