Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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