Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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