I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
