my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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