I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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