I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
