after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
