Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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