If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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