I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
