when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
