If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
