My friends, they love my intelligence
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
