Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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