Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
