Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
