I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
