Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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