my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
