you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
