While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
