I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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