I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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