Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
