We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
