We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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