8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
