i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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