his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
is wine microwaveable?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
