I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
