the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
