hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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