Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
