I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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