I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
