Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
