So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
