I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
