i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
