I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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