Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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