just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
