Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
