i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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