If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
