my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
