Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I would ride that face into the sunset
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
