i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
