I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
