You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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