I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
