Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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