It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
