I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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